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Part 30

As soon as one o'clock rolled around, the group met up again, and they delivered the telegram to Mike.

"Oh, here Mike, we forgot to give you this earlier. Sorry," Kat said.

"How could you have forgotten to give it to me earlier?" Mike asked, appearing just a tad enraged.

"Well, my fingers were turning purple at the time," Lynne said. "Cut me some slack, will ya?"

"Huh?" Mike asked, puzzled. "No matter how long we've known each other now, I still don't understand you."

"Nor will you ever, I doubt," Janine said. "I'm sure none of us have even begun to understand her yet."

"So, what does the telegram say?" Gleeby asked, being impatient as usual.

As Mike opened it, his face went white, his eyes filled with terror. He dropped the piece of paper as a result of the shock. Christine picked it up and read it aloud: "To Mike: We regret to inform you of the latest tragedy in Texas. Unfortunately, your son, Christian, left the cattle gate open. The cows got out and ran amuck for days. This resulted in the trampling of many Texas Prairie Chickens."

At this, Mike dropped to the ground and started crying.

"Don't worry, Mike," Janine said. "Everything will be all right. All you have to do is go put on a slinky red dress and everything will be fine. I mean, you don't even have to put on fake eyelashes, you have the perfect girlie eyelashes I ever did see on a man."

With these inspiring words, Mike got up and pranced to the nearest boutique shoppe.

"'Ow did ya know that'd chea 'im, up, luv?" Davy questioned.

"Don't question me, just accept the fact that it worked," Janine said.

"Well, we better go make sure he doesn't do anything drastic," Peter said.

"Sure, Peter. You just want an opportunity to buy another tu-tu, since your other one got ruined in the rain," Micky said. "I'll come along, to make sure the shade matches your outstanding exterior complexion."

"Mick, where else would a complexion be besides on the outside?" Jenna said pointedly.

"It could be on the interior of your nose," Micky said reasonably.

"Nasal cavities!" Kit said, correcting him.

"Why don't you just go ahead and scream out 'Vindaloo' while you're at it, Kit, and give away all our government secrets?" Mimi said.

"Okay," Kit said, and then shouted, "VINDALOOOOOO!!!!!"

"What, you want to go to the loo?" a passing stranger asked.

"No, but I'm sure Calli wants to," Kit said. "Don't you, Calli?"

"Yeah, sure, you're cute enough to show me the ways of the loo," Calli said, hypnotized by his elusive, captivating gaze.

Off they went, to the oblivions of the unknown, while they others watched them disappear in the crowd of people on their way to discover the wonderful world of the loo.

"Shouldn't someone stop them? They could be gone for hours!" Kat exclaimed.

"Wotaya mean?" Davy inquired

"Well, look at all those people. They could get lost or trampled, or eaten, or beamed up..."

Lynne interrupted her rambling. "Let them go. We're not their keepers."

"What keepers?" Mike asked, returning with bags full of fluffy, fringey goodness, and followed shortly by Micky and Peter, who was wearing a lacey pink tu-tu and leaping around.

"Keepers, like my family was supposed to be good keepers of the cows so they wouldn't get out? I trusted them, and now look. All I have left of my campaign is feathers all over my backyard..."

"Aw, come on, Mike, just go put on the dress," Janine said.

"Janine, he's obviously traumatized, and a dress won't help him in the long run," Gleeby said. "Oh, by the way, nice tu-tu, Peter."

They fought over this for a while, until Mike came out. He was wearing a ruby red dress, the kinds you see at high school proms. He had on white gloves to go with it, which went up to his elbows (no doubt to cover all that arm hair). He had on cabaret-style make up, and his hair was spiked in all different places.

"YES!" Janine shouted. "Carlisle Wheeling returns!"

"Ya know, you were right," said Mike, obviously feeling much better and with a slight feminine lit. "I'll get new chickens, and heck, it weren't Christian's fault, he's just a kid."

"Atta boy!" Peter approved between leaps. "That's always been my policy- always optimistic, don't let little things get you down, don't eat food made of..."

The rest of the group talked over him, as it was clear that he didn't know what he was talking about. He just kept on rambling.

"Mike?" Mimi asked.

"My name is not Mike! I'm Carlisle!" Mike practically screamed, enraged that his friends didn't know his own name.

Christine tried to calm him (or....her?) down. "Okay, Carlisle, Mimi's sorry she called you Mike, but it's no reason to scream-"

"I don't have to take this! I'm going to find someone who appreciates me!" Mike was not in the least subdued. He stormed out of the hotel, leaving the group bewildered in the hallway.

Peter was still on about his policy, "....Don't talk to people who might kill you, don't throw records at the president..."

"Peter, would you shut up!" Davy exclaimed.

"Hey, it's not his fault he's stupid!" someone screamed back. This resulted in a wild argument, everyone against everyone else.

Suddenly, Gleeby's voice rose above the others.

"Hey! Hey! This is stupid! We're sitting in here fighting, and one of our friends is out searching for a soul mate!"

"We can't let that happen!" Kat agreed.